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Nash, Ogden: What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner Or Later

Portre of Nash, Ogden

What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner Or Later (English)

Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting
     up with.
And with whom they breakfast with and sup with.
They interfere with the discipline of nurseries,
And forget anniversaries,
And when they have been particularly remiss
They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss,
And when you tell them about something awful they have
     done they just look unbearably patient and smile
     a superior smile,
And think, Oh she'll get over it after a while.
And they always drink cocktails faster than they can
     assimilate them,
And if you look in their direction they act as if they were
     martyrs and you were trying to sacrifice,
     or immolate them,
And when it's a question of walking five miles to play golf
     they are very energetic but if it's doing anything useful
     around the house they are very lethargic,
And then they tell you that women are unreasonable and
     don't know anything about logic,
And they never want to get up or go to bed at the same
     time as you do,
And when you perform some simple common or garden
     rite like putting cold cream on your face or applying
     a touch of lipstick they seem to think that you are
     up to some kind of black magic like a priestess
     of Voodoo.
And they are brave and calm and cool and collected about
     the ailments of the person they have promised
     to honor and cherish,
But the minute they get a sniffle or a stomachache
     of their own, why you'd think they were about to
And when you are alone with them they ignore all the
     minor courtesies and as for airs and graces,
     they uttlerly lack them,
But when there are a lot of people around they hand you
     so many chairs and ashtrays and sandwiches and
     butter you with such bowings and scrapings
     that you want to smack them.
Husbands are indeed an irritating form of life,
And yet through some quirk of Providence most of them
     are really very deeply ensconced in the affection
     of their wife.

Uploaded byEfraim Israel
Source of the quotation

Amit előbb-utóbb minden nőnek meg kell tapasztalnia (Hungarian)

A férj az egy olyan kínos izé, amihez a nőnek hozzá kell           szoknia.
Lenyelnie, hogy olykor a levesestálban található meg a            zoknija.
Hogy az ura még az óvodába sem való.
Hogy folyton elfelejti, mikor van a házassági évforduló.
Hogy, ha kiváltképp trehány volt, azt hiszi,
Hogy mindent helyrehozhat egy nagy puszi.
Hogy, ha közlöd vele, mit művelt már megint, akkor a              faszi
Vérforraló angyali nyugalommal mosolyog,
Mint hogyha ezzel el lenne intézve a dolog.
Inni nem bír, de azért piál bőven és sokat,
Aztán meg olyan képet vág, hogy ő az áldozat.
Ahol fociznak, teniszeznek, ott ő oszlopos tag,                                 de ha mosogatni kell, a fáradtságtól összeroskad,
Utána kijelenti, hogy a nők illogikusak és nem elég                  okossak.
Nem képes se lefeküdni, se felkelni veled egyidőben,
Ha krémet pakolsz arcodra, azt hiszi, boszorkányság van          a levegőben.
Roppant nyugodt, kimért, megfontolt, bármiben szenved          élete párja,
De ha őneki viszket az orra, hát akkor őfelségét máris              a kripta várja.
Ha kettesben vagy vele, bamba, faragatlan,
Ha meg vendég van, annyi széket tol alád, mintha egy             katlan
Átmérőjével rendelkezne üleped. A férj egy sorscsapás.
A fene tudja, milyen sorsszeszélyből kifolyólag olyan                drága neked, mint senki más.

Uploaded byEfraim Israel
Source of the quotationsaját fordítás